A Scientific Approach to Taking Alcohol

It’s Friday!!!

I just happened to be reading up the benefits (if any) of alcohol and stumbled upon the following facts on daily consumption of beer or wine: -

1. One glass of wine, beer, or hard liquor per day improves arterial elasticity, even in patients with hypertension,
2. Studies have found that people who drink one glass of wine/bottle of beer per day have lower body mass than those who indulge occasionally (read: not daily),
3. One British study found that those who drank roughly a glass of wine/bottle of beer per day a day reduced by 11 percent their risk of infection by Helicobacter pylori bacteria, a major cause of gastritis, ulcers, and stomach cancers,
4. Australian researchers recently compared women with ovarian cancer and cancer-free women; they found that roughly one glass of wine a day seemed to reduce the risk of the disease by as much as 50 percent,
5. Many studies involving large populations have shown that drinking one bottle of beer or a glass of wine per day reduces the risk of heart attacks and strokes by more than 40 percent. These benefits appear to extend to both men and women, to those with or without known coronary artery disease, to people with diabetes, and to adults at any age in fact….
6. Some studies have also shown that one bottle of beer or one glass of wine per day reduces the risk of developing type 2 diabetes
7. One bottle of beer or one glass of wine per day may also slightly lower levels of harmful low density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol, which initiates the formation of atherosclerotic plaques, and C-reactive protein, a measure of inflammation within the arterial wall.
8. One glass of wine/bottle of beer per day could help preserve your memory

So here is my suggestion…..
Ø Walk into a bar this evening….
Ø Take the first glass of wine/bottle of beer to improve arterial elasticity
Ø The next glass of wine/bottle of beer will be for weight loss purposes
Ø The third glass/bottle will be an antibiotic for those pesky pylori bacteria
Ø The fourth (if female) will lower chances of ovarian cancer. For men, it will show your support towards reduction of breast cancer in women
Ø Aren’t we all afraid of heart attacks or strokes? The fifth glass/bottle will be specifically aimed at reducing heart attacks/strokes by 40%
Ø Toss down the sixth one to reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes
Ø Don’t miss opportunities; if there is any chance of lowering cholesterol, take it. The seventh glass of wine/bottle of beer is taking that chance
Ø At this point you might notice that your memory is beginning to fade. But don’t worry; the eight glass of wine/bottle of beer will reverse that by preserving your memory

Past this point you will be overindulging unless of course you are interested in getting pregnant because the latest study has proven that…

6-7 additional glasses of cheap wine can help you get pregnant!!!!