I am an African

Inkosi (Chief) You scored 86 Afritude!

Brilliant. You know Africa inside and out. You're probably a local. If not, come for a visit sometime soon. You'll love it.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 84% on Afritude

Link: The Africa Test written by iketle on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The Movie Character I am

Indiana Jones You scored 64% outgoingness, 80% intelligence, and 52% goodness!

Charming and intelligent, you are Indiana Jones. You talk the talk and you walk the walk.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 81% on outgoingness You scored higher than 91% on intelligence You scored higher than 45% on goodness

Link: The Which Movie Character Are You Test written by 5934 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

How Pure I am

A Tad Inexperienced You are 67% pure!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 41% on purity

Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

My Brain (apparently)

Your brain: 60% interpersonal, 60% visual, 100% verbal, and 180% mathematical!

Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers. Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious: Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 29% on interpersonal You scored higher than 14% on visual You scored higher than 66% on verbal You scored higher than 74% on mathematical

Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

How Gay I am (NOT)

The Straight Stand up and be heard! You're 34% gay!

You're straight! You can choose whether or not you should be proud of that. You have just enough gay in you to not look like a liar, but too little to be really gay. You're suprised, aren't you?

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 61% on homopoints

Link: The Am I Gay? Test written by alone2gether on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

How good my English is

English Genius You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 69% on Beginner You scored higher than 44% on Intermediate You scored higher than 49% on Advanced You scored higher than 51% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

How White am I?

Middle Man You are 50% White

Ok so you did pretty good on the test. Your score says you appreciate different cultures, but you cant hide your true self. Just like the pic, you roll with the cool crowd, but you still go home to your mommy and eat macaroni and cheese.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 35% on whiteness

Link: The How White Are You Test written by alleyandbrandon on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The Personality Defect Test!

Televangelist You are 42% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.

As the Lord as my witness, I swear upon the good book that you are indeed the TELEVANGELIST! Characterized by extreme arrogance, self-assurance, and extroversion, you would make a very charismatic leader (though not a very good one). On top of that, you are also more intuitive than rational, predisposing you to a more spiritual or emotional outlook on life. Thus, you are thoroughly irrational, and you tend to think that sound logical reasoning is overrated, and that it is much better to trust your gut instincts--which must be pretty big instincts, considering the size of your gut. You also tend to be rather gentle and considerate of others' feelings. Clearly, you would make the perfect televangelist. You could easily fleece people of their money and their dignity like so many sheep. Emotional, extroverted, arrogant, and gentle, you annoy the hell out of people who have to listen to the feel-good, intuitive shit spewing from your mouth. Not only that, but people may look down on you as a self-centered asshat. So while you are gentle and genuinely care about others, it is quite clear that you still care about yourself MORE. Why is your personality flawed? Because you are too damned extroverted, emotional, and arrogant. So preach your irrational message, brotha-man! I assure you, no one will be listening. Except for a few bums. But they just want you to feed them crackers and wine. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational. 2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Spiteful Loner. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Starving Artist, and the Robot. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits. The other personality types: The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 21% on Rationality You scored higher than 74% on Extroversion You scored higher than 26% on Brutality You scored higher than 63% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Internet Tests

I have taken lots of tests over the net but this evening, as its pouring rain in Nairobi, I decided to check what tests were available online. I landed on OkCupid! The tests are so rydykulas!! I am posting a sample of them on my blog!

A Scientific Approach to Taking Alcohol

It’s Friday!!!

I just happened to be reading up the benefits (if any) of alcohol and stumbled upon the following facts on daily consumption of beer or wine: -

1. One glass of wine, beer, or hard liquor per day improves arterial elasticity, even in patients with hypertension,
2. Studies have found that people who drink one glass of wine/bottle of beer per day have lower body mass than those who indulge occasionally (read: not daily),
3. One British study found that those who drank roughly a glass of wine/bottle of beer per day a day reduced by 11 percent their risk of infection by Helicobacter pylori bacteria, a major cause of gastritis, ulcers, and stomach cancers,
4. Australian researchers recently compared women with ovarian cancer and cancer-free women; they found that roughly one glass of wine a day seemed to reduce the risk of the disease by as much as 50 percent,
5. Many studies involving large populations have shown that drinking one bottle of beer or a glass of wine per day reduces the risk of heart attacks and strokes by more than 40 percent. These benefits appear to extend to both men and women, to those with or without known coronary artery disease, to people with diabetes, and to adults at any age in fact….
6. Some studies have also shown that one bottle of beer or one glass of wine per day reduces the risk of developing type 2 diabetes
7. One bottle of beer or one glass of wine per day may also slightly lower levels of harmful low density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol, which initiates the formation of atherosclerotic plaques, and C-reactive protein, a measure of inflammation within the arterial wall.
8. One glass of wine/bottle of beer per day could help preserve your memory

So here is my suggestion…..
Ø Walk into a bar this evening….
Ø Take the first glass of wine/bottle of beer to improve arterial elasticity
Ø The next glass of wine/bottle of beer will be for weight loss purposes
Ø The third glass/bottle will be an antibiotic for those pesky pylori bacteria
Ø The fourth (if female) will lower chances of ovarian cancer. For men, it will show your support towards reduction of breast cancer in women
Ø Aren’t we all afraid of heart attacks or strokes? The fifth glass/bottle will be specifically aimed at reducing heart attacks/strokes by 40%
Ø Toss down the sixth one to reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes
Ø Don’t miss opportunities; if there is any chance of lowering cholesterol, take it. The seventh glass of wine/bottle of beer is taking that chance
Ø At this point you might notice that your memory is beginning to fade. But don’t worry; the eight glass of wine/bottle of beer will reverse that by preserving your memory

Past this point you will be overindulging unless of course you are interested in getting pregnant because the latest study has proven that…

6-7 additional glasses of cheap wine can help you get pregnant!!!!

A lousy night and a lousy morning after

A couple of years ago there was this great advert that run in neighboring Uganda about a great night and a great morning after. Well that ad certainly wasn’t meant for the last 24 hours of my life.

First I am running flu. Not the baby flu where you buy a hanky and wait for it to blow over. This one has me sneezing into plates of delicious supper at a neighbor’s home… I have gotten so disgusted with having to use hanky’s I just went to the loo and grabbed an entire toilet roll and tucked it under my table. An hour ago, the waste basket was full so I calmly took it to the loo and tried to flush the “shiyat” down the loo. The loo got stuck with the water almost spilling over. It’s now stuck with the water at mid-bowl-level. If only I had seen this coming, I could have weighed the bucket of tissue, poured it in and flushed once then tried to obtain a set of formulae that define the time it takes the water to totally disintegrate the tissue and free up the bowl. With the set of formulae in hand, and the properties of tissue and water (“echi two O” as my Chemistry teacher used to pronounce it) I would have then applied this formulae to decomposition of nuclear reactor carriers. I can just see myself getting the Noble Prize and no one from my home country has won any… Oh the glory, the acclaim! Ok, enough about the crazy, back to the bad day…

I woke up mid morning about 3 hours late for work because I had to take a sleeping pill just to get some sleep THROUGH THE POUNDING HEADACHE cause by the aforementioned flu.

On the way to work I got a call from some moron who thinks I am dating his wife Akinyi. I spent the entire trip swearing that I have never met a woman called Akinyi and even if I did, I wouldn’t be so stupid as to leave any evidence if she was married. There is nothing as sad as a good man being accused of evil. Called my CFA proposer to tell her my dilemma and she laughed and said she wasn’t surprised. I swear! Or is it aterere… I don’t know where I chose my friends from. The latest is the guy has threatened to do something to me since he “knows” people and he “knows” where to get me. So moral dilemma… Do I insult him and double dare him to “come and get me” since I am sure I don’t know any Akinyi? Moral Dilemma because: -
i) He might be confusing me with someone else who he then goes and “gets”
ii) Maybe someone I know is called Akinyi and it is indeed me he intends to threaten and I will be “got”
iii) Maybe this Akinyi is innocent…. Naah… just i) and ii)
What is “getting me” anyway? Eish! (I learnt that “eish” within two weeks of coming to Nairobi… “Buy me a drink”… “No I am broke”… “Eish”)

My boss still hasn’t promoted me for coming late for the last company dinner; the salary is running out of month and I am afraid of the bwana wa Akinyi.

Life I love you, all is groovy!

Anyway so off I go to my humble crib (moved away from the alky poaching neighbor) where I will take the next sleeping pill to lala land.