I was riffling through my old things the other weekend: Secondary school note books, undergraduate files and somewhere in my notebook for PhiChemBi(pronounced FI-KEM-BA): Physics, Chemistry, Biology), I came across a truerelic from the past: a love letter I'd written to supposed to have loved The letter in question is not an ordinary letter.It was the first letter I'dever written to any girl.It was also written in particular style. Assecondary school students, we had our own way of doing things. Being newly introduced to the mysteries of science and agriculture,invariably felt thata love letter was a good means of showing off our skills. Every love letterwas scrutinised by one's circle of peers. For the writing of this particular letter, I had no fewer than 10 advisers. The letter kept going back andforth with each person, adding his own line. Our objective was simple: thatthe girl to whom it was addressed should fall head over heels in love. We had high hopes that a letter would do the trick. You probably also oncewrote such a letter. Here, this is the beginning of my first love letter: anemotionaldisconnection from reality, a question mark??? As follows:

At school, July 10, 1986

My dearest, sweetest,fondest,fantastic,extra-ordinary, paragon of beauty a.k.a Lizzy. I hopethis letter meets you in a fabulous state of metabolism, if so doxology. Myprincipal aim of writing this letter to you is to gravitate your mind towards a matter of global and universal importance, which has beentroubling my soul.The matter is so important. Even as I am writing,my adrenalin is 100 percent on the Richter scale, my temperature is rising, the wind vane of my mind is pointing North, South and East at the same time; the mirror in myeyes has only your divine image. Indeed when I sleep, you are the one in mymedulla oblongata, and I dream about you. I went out tosea in my dream, and I saw you: surrounded by H20 and you in your majesty rose from the abdomen of the sea like Yemoja, the avatar of beauty. Oh, Lordbe with us! We are thy servants!!! As you can see, I am in a serious dilemmaAnd I want you to take my matter seriously. At this junction, what our Lord said on this matter is germane. He says we should ask, and we shall be givenwe should seek and we will find, and that we should knock, and it will beopened unto us. I am this 10th day of the seventh month in the year of our Lord, one thousand, nine hundred and eighty six, asking, seeking andknocking at your door. My prayer is that thou should open so that thyservant can enter. I want to wake up in the morning and see only your face. I want you to be the only sugar in my tea, the onlyfly in my ointment, the butter on my bread, the grey matter of my system,the oxygen in my head, the planet of my universe, the wall clock of my room.The conveyor belt of my soul. I pray that you realise the gargantuan nature of my predicament. If you refuse, my life will be like tea without sugar,like a snail without shell, a Xmas goat without a horn; in fact I'll becomean orphan. What is life if I can't wake up in the morning and behold your face? You model of pulchritude, patiently created by God on a Sunday morningbefore he went on a deserved holiday.Please Lizzy, let me be your Romeo. Make me the Adam to your Eve.Shakespeare said it all: if music be the food of love, play on. I want to emphasise, universally and responsibly, that you are love itself. You arethe metaphor, oxymoron, thesis, antithesis, irony, gerund, conjunction andthe adverb of love. At this juncture, let me also say that geography of your body is a permanent allelluia. Not from your body, ammonia, urea and iodine-you are too beautiful for that, what I see in your body is milk and honey.At this juncture, brevity is the soul of wit. A stitch in time saves nine. Procrastination is the thief of time.

Ahimbi